hi uh my girlfriend is about to leave for San Francisco and I need a ticket on the 735 flight unfortunately there’s only one seat left and that’s In First Class oh how much is it $1,100 oh go to ...

you can’t buy prepared food with food stamps why not it’s food the government doesn’t want to pay for it because they think that prepared food is a luxury item you know how rich people have yachts and summer homes ...

dad I got new jeans oh wow I like them no not these these are my old gross jeans these I’m going to go try them on can I see that what it’s receipt so what you don’t need to ...

and oh what is that R it’s Chinese food my mom made get it out of here oh my god dude that smells nasty Ed why are you eating so much I’m hungry didn’t you eat your lunch today yeah ...

I need money you need money for Yale you need money for Yale stop repeating everything she says I’m sorry I’m processing look it’s a long story but no other financing came through and all the other options that Mom ...

excuse me your hair is making it hard to learn oh so Wednesday is picture day and because school pictures are so important our clothes will be pressed and our hair will be neat I repeat our hair will be ...

rent is 300 a month wait there’s two bedrooms and a sun room yes Mom you could have an art studio and I could finally have my own room are you an artist I am well you know I never ...

oh please die I’ll fix it I swear too late for that you already had your chance hi yo am I tripping or is that a kid damn where’d you come from L man I’m from Greenwich Greenwich come over ...

you spent $1,500 in one day yeah what’s the big deal you guys are acting like I spent 15 grand shees 1,500 is a lot of money no it’s not I don’t get why you guys keep acting like we’re ...