Yeah! Let’s do this. Welcome to The Daily Show. I am Jordan Klepper. Oh. Oh. Oh. And we are here in Chicago, everybody. [CHEERING, APPLAUSE] Oh, wait. Oh, wait. I got to say, I got to say, this week ...
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come on come on let’s go they can’t hear you they can’t see you just let this play out well who am I taking wait and see which one he’s an agonizing pain right ah yes give me a minute ...
mom I got my period are you serious are you being dead ass with me yes no no say it is it so don’t worry don’t worry got the cookies don’t hurt us bra so hard this month God please ...
my friends and I used to like to smoke weed and then go to Olive Garden for their unlimited soup salad and bread stick sto one night I walk in super stoned and the first person I see is my ...
your sign’s broken we’re already in Australia actually sir the embassy is considered American soil sir really now I’m in Australia now I’m in America Australia America Australia call that a knife this is a knife that’s not a knife ...
[Music] what in your opinion is the most underrated salad [Laughter] dressing thank you I needed that man
not the number for me man that’s not the number no M cheap cheap cheap and it’s not $80 Danel it’s $60 it’s not 80 learn how to do math [ __ ] 940 you [ __ ] [ __ ...
the hell are you people doing here we’re making sure no more innocent Ducks die today don’t do that don’t do that against the the cage theage oh no no no now that’s just velis theage oh crap 911 what ...
there’s something under my leg it’s just the IV tube all right it’s underneath you no no no no it’s moving there’s something moving under my leg all right let’s turn them and check it out oh what the hell ...
literally wearing the last headset at the Ed of the universe
W wao easy old time are you lost I’m not lost this the E A okay calm down what’s your name it’s Harold everything hurts where does it hurt Harold in my knee my chest and my head this needs ...
what’s up [ __ ] boy number three there a whole table of boys ain’t that crazy do y’all know each other these two I don’t [ __ ] trust as far as I can [ __ ] throw them ...