excuse me hi how can I help you the airline split me and my baby up who’s supposed to sit right next to me but now he’s over there all alone oh no I’m so sorry ma’am please you need ...

hey Mom yes son I know you’re going to say no but I’m going to ask anyway can I go partying with my friends tonight yeah sure go for it wait let’s go we live wait a minute don’t you ...

17 shots pen gun mightier than the sword sword gun mightier than the pen gun AR-15 MK5 Mac 10 paprika that’s weird I use that pantry a lot and the paprika not enough I can’t believe this house is teaming ...

hands on the counter open the cash and give me the money got it hurry up hey I only got it’s okay it’s just my sister I know you don’t want to hurt it can you open the till the ...

he just won the election down put the phone down relax somebody call security it’s just a hat why why are you stressing out Karen just call security go it’s getting ridiculous I thought America was a freight country

I want to buy cough medicine but all that’s there are these cards uh do I give this to you sure do what’s happening did I win something yep a starring role my favorite show apparently cough syrup is the ...

cuz you know my parents old my mom 67 my dad 83 so in Middle School my mom come in school like you know what I’m saying and everybody like but who is that old lady my mama you know ...

uh uniform inspections oh oh you’re going to need a chair to stand on so I can do your inspection you didn’t even try today what the hell is this you haven’t shaved that in about a week and a ...

gentlemen for breakfast this morning chef McGinty would like to propose an orange marmalade served on a bed of warm crustless bread topped with another piece of warm crustless bread B two ches take it or leave it are you ...

here with your boot what’s your name June June that pan down please anyone else in the house June no who might come home June my husband where is he dear hun he’ll be armed with a rifle why are ...

I trusted you and you cheated on me with this uh d i don’t excuse me yeah I said it you want some of this come on Donna hey whatever you think happened I know what happened I found these ...

hello this is a presidential alert it is not a test John Alan G you’ve been selected for emergency shelter relocation you’re allowed one personal bag there are no exceptions all right Nathan come on we got to go whoa ...

move Mo I didn’t know I didn’t know go go go to the door now please go go now put the M down so go go go bring him out let’s go bring him out go go go I told ...

yo dude I had this crazy dream last night that would make for an insane horror movie Let’s Hear It picture this all right blind monsters who can’t see you but they can hear you so you have to be ...