00:34

hey Peter you got your safety on right yeah of course okay cuz your gun is pointing right at me wait you want me to pull a trigger and prove it to you no I just want to make sure ...

00:26

who was that old [ __ ] that was up here earlier the old white man that a talk real well that’s the great RFK junr he’s like our MLK Junior no he’s not no the [ __ ] he’s ...

00:35

have you ever seen that video no pull that video up cuz it’s one of my favorite our at school Foods program that’s going to help 400,000 more kids across the country have full bellies as they start their school ...

00:18

which of you is belich che’s favorite oh easy easy oh easy julan Brady all two say Jules that’s a surprise julan yeah loves them always did jul not sensitive I’m not sensitive

00:59

police drop the weapon no I can’t do that sir drop it or I drop you Lenny Gibson Master Sergeant third calav all right Lenny Jay hallad Rangers put it down now slide it over sir I am a good ...

01:00

can strap cause this clap on no rash on my labia do you need to take a look I’m saving my money for a Red Rider BB gun darker sheet of lipstick I’m not wearing any you tell your mother ...

00:23

the look on everyone’s face when they realized whoopy Goldberg actually thought Jill Biden was a doctor is absolutely hilarious whoopsies I’m hoping Dr Jill becomes a Surgeon General she’s a hell a doctor she’s an amazing doctor she doctor ...

06:57

It’s Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che. Thank you very much. Thank you. – Thank you very much. – Okay. Good evening everyone. Welcome to Weekend Update I’m Michael che. I’m Colin Jost. This week, New York City ...

00:59

I’m going to knock you out I’m going to knock your dad out I’m going to knock your brother out and I’m going to knock your mom up what do you have in response to all those eyes uh I ...

00:29

last night you said one of my I was thinking about it all day you were like we were talking about the Holocaust again how far did Hitler live from the Holocaust yeah I didn’t know been [ __ ] ...

00:49

shrimp and grits oh oh you’re a saint what’s your name I’m Zephyr Wright I don’t understand with all this going on tonight and you’ve made this just for us I made it for the president and the first lady ...

00:19

you can see my music you can listen to my music [Music] L listen b that’s Mig do something like that [ __ ] you you play with me [ __ ] you want to play with me

00:59

who are you I’m a salmon I’d like to mate with you in a few years when we’re sexually mature I’d like that I’ll see you at spawning time I’ve already found my mate thus begins their Thousand Mile Journey ...

01:01

mom uh fineas and furb are operating heavy machinery in the backyard they’re doing what the gford hit the fence pretty badly and he’s bleeding out I’m on the way home honey call 911 a full construction crew is here ...