license and registration I don’t care I want it on my desk in 10 minutes I don’t care either take your time it’s going to be a while license and registration 12 1030 with a gun at 122 copy that ...

never do these pranks in other countries in Sweden never paint someone’s house in other colors what the did you really just paint my house white I’m calling the police in Sweden the government has strict rules on what color ...

hey hey hey stop wait don’t cut okay damn it DeLuca just stop okay I’m sorry but I found something Richard Weber is sedated on the table you need to step away from the sterile field and wait outside and ...

you bought everything at the dollar store right but the skeleton you didn’t buy you use my medical grade for medical school use my skeleton you know how expensive this is this is porcelain and HSE hair and we have ...

Good evening. I’m Caitlin Collins. Despite repeated offers from the Harris campaign, Donald Trump has officially refused to appear in another debate, saying, quote, it’s not because I’m scared, so don’t tell people I’m scared. However, there was one format ...

don’t move drop the [Music] gun I’m the head of internal affairs and you’re being interviewed about a shooting that happened earlier today right yes sir if you choose not to answer any of my questions you will no longer ...

hey I thought I told you kids to go plow in the field but Dad we’ve been plowing all morning yeah I can’t take any more plowing I can barely walk look I know it seems like dirty work but ...

honestly I think the only reason I’ve like maintained my weight in the wheelchair is cuz I’ll smoke weight before bed and I get the munies but I can’t get up to do anything about yeah life hack you look ...

what do you mean you don’t have our names on there my wife and I absolutely have to be on this flight I’m doing the best I can sir do you have your confirmation number I think you’ll find all ...

never fall asleep with your phone in your bed because last night I was streaming videos from my phone onto the TV and I fell asleep but then around 2: a.m. I wake up and a video of those people ...

Once Upon a Time Little Baby Smokey was with her mother blowing up balloons for some random event don’t ask me what it was I don’t even think I knew I was alive yet anyways I must have had weak ...

trick-or treat hi oh are you Spider-Man he’s a little shy but yeah he is it’s okay let’s get him some candy oh he likes the Skittles perfect maybe one more yeah awesome thank you guys yeah thank you happy ...

you seen Theo do his impression to you it’s my favorite thing ever see if you can find it J this is jelly roll like I want to tell you that the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror ...

[Laughter] man that’s how I used to look man oh man oh whoa I got to [Music] much oh Lord that look untrust word oh no I look like my uncle I ain’t going to lie to you though my ...

I’m going I’m going I’m going [Applause]