ladies and gentlemen it gives me no pleasure to be here with you today because today we all bear witness to The Madness of an exhausted man’s hot dog fever dream in this man’s nitrate soaked brain he’s playing football against his own son a father puted against his own flesh and blood it’s ridiculous a travesty an insult to the game of football and a stain on our national fabric what kind of stain I can’t say maybe soy sauce or gravy whatever it is it’s something dark and stick and not machine washable no this National stain is dry cleaning only and who’s going to pay for that not me just because I have dry cleaning money doesn’t mean I’m going to spend it on this